They say life is full of ups and downs, but what do you do when you feel stuck in the middle…in the Grey Areas?
If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you’ve probably caught glimpses of some of my client work projects. When I’m not blogging, I work as a recipe developer, food stylist and spokesperson for all sorts of cool food brands and housewares companies and even the occasional celebrity. Its a really interesting job and for the most part I’m able to make my own hours and pick and choose projects based on my schedule and passions.
When I’m in the middle of a project, it can be a whirlwind that upturns our entire household. Lots of planning and experimenting and cooking while navigating unwashed laundry piles and ad-hoc childcare arrangements, all of which typically culminates in a television segment or social event that is both terrifying and thrilling. Its an amazing, almost addictive feeling. And then, its over.
When these epic projects end, I literally pack my knives and go. I go back to my regular, everyday life as a stay-at-home-mom and highly disorganized (and mostly unpaid) blogger. Though I am hyper-aware and ultra grateful for the privilege of being able to care for my kiddos on a regular basis, after the fast-paced, rainbow-colored world of corporate deadlines and bright lights of television cameras, the long days cleaning up cheerios in my yoga pants can feel downright dull. I call this life’s Grey Areas.
I should qualify all of this to say that given our current life and childcare setup, it would be completely unsustainable for our family if I was constantly booked with these sorts of projects. They ebb and flow for a reason — our entire family needs time to regroup and recover after each one. Even so, in the quiet in-between weeks, when I’m between big projects, I often feel lost. I question my path. I wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life and start to feel hopelessly lazy. Even as I run frantically from one kid’s activity or volunteer commitment or blog post recipe shoot to another.
And, so I wonder…is this sense of the mundane unique to me, given my odd career path or does everyone experience it? Perhaps its this season of life, where the kids are no longer babies yet still young enough to need a caregiver most of the time? Where I have just enough time to set goals and dream of accomplishing them but not quite enough time to make any progress?
When this feeling hits, I try to appreciate the slow moments. Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon making a roast chicken dinner simply because my 98 year old grandma is visiting and she really likes roast chicken and mashed potatoes. I try to spend a little more time here on Homemaker’s Habitat (though admittedly I don’t think I’ll ever be as disciplined as I’d like to be with this). I let the kids play at the playground a little longer, cook things just because I want to and spend a little time doing yoga. Even so…I often still feel stuck.
What do you do when you’re stuck in the grey areas of life? How do you work yourself out of it?
As someone without a particular passion, this REALLY resonates with me. I’m often anxious for something to be finished so I can… what? And with my spouse’s irregular schedule, I feel like if I pursued something just for me, it would have to either be something I LOVED or something lucrative to offset the childcare costs/the guilt of not being home. I’m glad you DO have projects you really enjoy, and I enjoy consuming them vicariously 😂
Hollie! First of all, thank you for commenting! You make a really, really great point about the feelings of guilt about not being home. That is something I struggle with all the time. And yet, when I AM here trying to be present and nurturing for my family, I feel guilt and anxiety about not nurturing my career. Its a catch 22. I don’t have any answers here obviously…just trying to make space and shine light on the predicament.