Motherhood: Week One

Really, its all of those things but its also none of them. I’m sitting here with this tiny person asleep in my lap. This little, wiggly creature with big blue eyes and a mop of dark hair and a tiny body and I think to myself….”this is mine?” Somewhere around Day Four it occurred to me that I could kiss this baby right on her cherubic lips or on her sweet button nose….places you might not normally kiss a friend’s baby. But this is MY baby and I can snuggle her and kiss her and hold her and dress her however I choose. Strange that it took a while for this to dawn on me.

In fact, the whole idea that this IS my baby took some getting used to. Maybe because she looks so much like JiT, or maybe because Lilly’s birth was just so utterly overwhelming or maybe just because I’ve never been someone’s mom before…but that fact that she’s mine and that I made her was a strangely difficult concept to grasp.

Not that I don’t love her utterly and completely. That is already a given. How could you not love something so insanely beautiful and cherubic and perfect. Everyone warns you that you’re going to be in pain and that you’re going to be sleep deprived and that you’re going to be covered in poop and pee and spit up and breast milk and god only knows what else. But no one ever really points out the footnote to all of this hardship: you absolutely don’t care. Don’t even notice most of it.

So far, I’ve been extremely spoiled because my momma arrived just shortly after Lilly was born and she’s staying with us, handling things like laundry and cooking and (at this moment) scrubbing the toilets. Plus, JiT took an entire week of paternity time to spend home with us too. So, up until now, I’ve hardly had to lift a finger other than to care for Lilly. Of course, that in itself is a full-time job.

So far, here are some of the top things I’ve learned:

Clothes are Overrated; Diapers are Not: Yes we live in South Florida in July, but I don’t think Lilly has worn clothes yet more than twice. We mainly keep her swaddled or loosely wrapped in a blanket during the day. Its all she seems to need and the easiest thing given part two of this revelation. My goodness thats a LOT of diapers. Its not uncommon for a diaper change to require two or three diapers because as soon as we set a fresh one down, she pees on it. So far, we’ve found this rather comical but the number of diapers we’ve gone through is already staggering. For those that are curious, we’re still using disposables right now because Lilly is so tiny but as soon as we start experimenting with cloth, I’ll be sure to post an update.

Babies Hiccup and Burp A LOT: I mean…all the time. The burping is pretty easy to deal with: Feed her for a bit, burp her for a bit, never go anywhere in the house without a burp cloth. But the hiccuping can be really, really trying. Especially when she’s got them at 3am and they just don’t want to go away. But then they do and we all go back to bed.

Baby Trackers Could Make You Crazy: we started the week diligently recording Lilly’s every move on a little chart provided by the hospital. Then we upgraded to an iPhone app. Every poop, every pee, every feeding, nap. It seemed like every breath. But then we quickly realized that Lillian is a bit of a gourmet when it comes to meals. She sips, contemplates, ponders and waits. Feedings often last a mere five minutes then she’s ready for another sip-fest twenty minutes later. That’s fine with me since I’m currently at her beck and call anyway but trying to keep track of it all was becoming ridiculous. Then there were the diapers…does it count as one diaper or two if she pees in the muddle of a changing? What about if she poops and pees??? Like I said, maddening. Now I figure, if she’s gaining weight, eating every few hours, not screaming her head off, and producing as many diapers as she has been, I can relax a bit. After all, plenty of people managed to feed their babies-effectively even- before there was an app for that.

Sleep is Overrated, but only to a Point: This is the one that everyone warns you about: “Say goodbye to sleep,” “Hope you got in all your rest while you were pregnant!” Okay…its true. You’re not going to get an uninterrupted night of sleep anytime soon. When that alarm goes off at 3 am and you know you’re going to be up for at least the next forty minutes, it sucks. But you do get to go back to bed. So far, most nights I’ve been able to get at least 6 or 7 hours. Its all in 2 hour increments, but we get there. Any less than that and I’m not functional though, so I try to take a nap during the day too. Lilly sleeps, I sleep, everyone wins.