This is a post I’ve been turning over in my head for weeks now. Probably longer. I’ve been struggling with how to say it…if I should even say it at all. Beyond being a record of my life and my recipes, Homemaker’s Habitat has always been an aspirational place for me. It’s a reflection of who I want to be. The way I write it, the way I write JiT…we’ve always been characters. And for a very long time, the food was a character too. It was beautiful and complicated and it made me really happy.
But lately I haven’t felt like saying much. Not the way I used to at least. When I named this blog, being a homemaker was the ultimate fantasy. I thought it meant spending your days making complicated baked goods and ironing the bed sheets and handcrafting vintage thank you cards out of felt and glue. In reality, that’s called The Martha Stewart Show.
Now that I am a homemaker, I barely have time time to craft a blog post let alone and actual craft project. I still cook but its not the way I used to. It turns out that being a homemaker involves a lot more diaper cream than buttercream. Not that I’m complaining. I love what I do and I feel blessed that I get to do it. Its just….not what I expected.
And therein lies the problem. This blog…the name…the food…the way I’ve always portrayed our family…its not who I am anymore. Its exactly what I always wanted but not at all what I thought it would be. But I wouldn’t change any of it. Come to think of it, thats probably a great description of motherhood in general.
What I’m trying to say is…I don’t know how to write the way I used to anymore. Or if you’ll want to read it if I write it the way it is. Right now my life is trying to raise a child and cook dinner one-handed with said child on my hip and get spit up stains out of everything and apologize to my husband for snapping at him (again) and balancing a freelance career and attempting to sleep at some point. Its hard. And its not perfect. We’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. The food definitely isn’t perfect. I use the slow cooker a lot. I’m not above frozen chopped onions and store bought croutons. The baby doesn’t sleep very well. JiT and I don’t always agree on parenting choices. The dog just wants someone to play….
I fear this is coming off as whiney and ungrateful. “Poor Rebecca got everything she ever wanted and she’s still unhappy.” Not my intention in the slightest. I realize how lucky I am to get to stay home with my child and have a wonderful, kind loving husband who provides for us. That I’m able to have just enough of a career to feel like I’m contributing. That Lillian is a happy, healthy, sweet adorable baby with a laugh that could make the devil himself smile. I am humbled by this job everyday. I just thought there would be more time to bake. And perfectly julienne vegetables. And use hot glue. There is no hot glue.
Honestly I think I lost track of where I was heading with this. And now Lillian is up from her nap so I have to wrap this up or the entire post is destined to stay in my “drafts” folder until the end of time. So, I think my point is….
BREAKING NEWS: Until further notice this blog will be about motherhood and cleaning products and baby food and truly awful food photography. Because now that I’m a homemaker, Homemaker’s Habitat is getting a reality check. The end.